Even in Death I Shall Always Dream of You
by DoroTastesLikeDinosaur
Summary: It all started with a dream. A single dream about her ex-lover and husband, Valentine. She knew that the dream wasn't just a dream, it was something more. Something she didn't think would change her life. *Spoilers from Book 3-4 and ongoing fanfic*
1. Chapter 1: A Beginning of a Nightmare

_**Chapter Title:**__ A Beginning of a Nightmare_

_**Chapter Summary:**__ Jocelyn finds herself dreaming of Valentine, her dead ex-lover and husband. What was he doing in her dreams? She's the fiancee of Luke and she should hate him, not even think about him. Yet the dream shakes her to the core and she can't help but feel dread from her dream. Valentine's words echo in her mind, "I will never forgive you for what you did." And unsettling paranoia starts to creep into her._

_**Warning: **__This fanfic may contains many spoilers from Books 3-4_

_**A/N:**__ Muhahahaha, already, another Mortal Instruments fanfic. This series is one of my favorites. Oh my, I can't wait for Book 5. This fanfic is right after Book 3 and possibly even after Book 4. The war is over and Jocelyn is engaged with Luke. This story is going to be my first fanfic with chapters. This is going to be an ongoing fanfic! I'll try to update more chapters soon. Valentine, you're an ass, but I still love you. ;_; Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter!_

_She found herself surrounded in a darkness so pure black and dark, that she couldn't see anything but a white figure ahead of her only a feet away from her. She couldn't see the figure clearly until the figure came closer to her and a horrid shock ran through her. The umistakable pure-white hair, the piercing black eyes that seemed like a darkened abyss that was the setting around her. Valentine. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came; only a small gasp._

_"Jocelyn."_

_His voice was the same as she remembered; a cold yet determined calculating voice with a hint of affection. But there was something more in the voice. It sounded pleading, longing._

_"Jocelyn." He said her name again, this time with a voice of disbelief and terrible sorrow. Jocelyn's heart felt her heart be crushed. _His voice...His voice... _She felt like crying; his voice was so pleading, so heart broken._

_But she couldn't. It was Valentine. She hated him. Yet her heart felt broken inside to see Valentine so desperate and his voice filled with so much despair._

_"Jocelyn...Why..? Why had you betrayed me...?" Blood started to pour out of his eyes, a crimson so dark that she didn't think that any kind of human would have blood the color like that._

_"We were so happy together... I loved you. You loved me. Why..._Jocelyn_..." Jocelyn's breath stopped. The way he had said her name, so much sorrow, despair. Jocelyn felt crushed beyond belief. She felt like running and never looking back but her feet stood there, feeling as if they were sewed into the ground. Valentine reached out for her and his hand caressed her cheek with such a soothing and gentle caress. Jocelyn felt herself tremble._

_Then, she noticed the sicking hole. In the middle of Valentine's chest a hole protruded, blooding gushing out of the gruesome wound. Jocelyn sucked her breath in, a scream slowly erupting from her chest. Pain like twisting needles shot up in her cheek and her chance to scream ubruptly went away. In her peripheral vision, she saw that Valentine had dug his nails in her cheek. _

_"Jocelyn..." Valentine loomed over her, his bottomless pit eyes boring in her. His face got closer, their faces only inches apart from each other. "I will never forgive you for what you did."_

Jocelyn snapped her eyes open, panting and terrified to the core. Tears ran down her face and her pillow was wet from them. She looked around and sighed in relief. She was back in Luke's house, sleeping beside him. The familiar scent of the house made her slowly relax. _It was just a dream. Just a dream..._

"Jocelyn, are you okay?" Luke looked over to her, his eyes still filled with sleep. "Oh, yes, I'm fine, Luke. I just...need something to drink." She smiled feebly at him, hoping that the anxiety was leaving her face.

Luke frowned. She guessed that her smile wasn't helping. He sat up, stretched, and said, "What kind of drink would you like?"

"Just tea, please." Luke crawled out of bed and walked up to the door stopping at the door frame and turned to her. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Jocelyn looked down at her lap. Was she alright? The dream did frighten her terribly and she didn't want to let Luke worry much less tell him that she was dreaming about her ex-lover. She didn't think that Luke would be too fond to hear that her fiancee was dreaming about her ex-husband.

"Yes, Luke. I'm sure." She looked up at him and smiled. She saw Luke's concern soften lightly and he turned back to the door and headed out.

_"I will never forgive you for what you did." _The words echoed in her mind and fear and paranoia crept up in her.

_He will never forgive me._ A terrible dread washed over her, and silently, she started to cry.


	2. Chapter 2: The Figure

_**Chapter Title:**__ The Figure_

_**A/N**__: Hello and welcome to chapter 2! I had some time on my hands and was able to write the next chapter just a day after the first. Jocelyn's having more stress in this chapter, poor her. :( _

_Enjoy!_

Jocelyn did not find it a surprise when she found herself not able to sleep after her dream. She had tossed and turned through out the night, no sleep coming to her. As she slipped out of bed, her eyes heavy with unrest, she went to the bathroom. She saw herself in the mirror; terrible bags under her terrified and paranoid eyes. She sighed.

After a quick shower and dressing in her clothes, she arrived in the kitchen, noticing a note on the table. She approached the kitchen table, picked it up and read,

_Dear mom and Luke,_

_I decided to go and hang around with Simon for brand practice and won't be home until late. See you guys until then!_

_Clary_

A small smile crept on Jocelyn's face. Of course. Short and to the point. Joceyln wasn't that surprised to see Clary run off to Simon. She was very much used of it. A small twinge of suspicion went through Jocelyn. Or, perhaps, Clary had went to go to her new boyfriend, Jace. It wasn't like Jocelyn hated or disliked Jace, she was just a little distrusting of him. He had been raised by Valentine and she couldn't help but see a little of Valentine in Jace, even if Clary didn't notice it.

Putting the note back down to on the table, Jocelyn decided to make some breakfast for herself and Luke. Taking out pans, eggs, bacon, and bread, she started to crack open eggs, sizzle bacon, and toast the bread.

Not long after, Luke arrived, yawning and sat down on the table. Jocelyn had never known how handsome Luke was until she had finally accepted that she was in love with him. He seemed to have turned more handsome and kinder than she had known him before, but she didn't mind it. She loved Luke now, and she was happy that he was with her. Unlike her being with Valentine, when she had found out what he was doing, the revulsion she had started to feel...

_No!_ she told herself. _Stop thinking about Valentine!_

Luke took the note on the table and read it silently, amusement in his eyes. "Clary going off in the morning? Well, I suppose that isn't much of a surprise. I guess the whole day will just be the both of us." Jocelyn smiled. Just the two of them. That sounded very pleasant and relaxing.

Jocelyn smiled, and turned over the eggs. "Where do you think we should go? The park? A restaurant?" She took two plates out, put toast, bacon, and eggs in each, and sat down on the table handing one of the plates to Luke.

Luke furrowed his brow, deep in thought. "How about both? We can go to the park to a nice stroll and then to a restaurant."

Jocelyn nodded, smiling. "Of course!" Personally, Jocelyn didn't really care where they went, as long as they were together.

Finishing breakfast, she rinsed the dishes and left them in the sink, getting her green coat and heading out with Luke. They walked through the archway bridge and ended up in the park her and Clary used to go to when Clary was younger. They saw an ice cream stand and ordered ice cream, eating and sitting on the bench while talking.

Luke squeezed her hand. "Our wedding's only a week away or so. I really..." he inhaled and Jocelyn could see his face flush a little. "I really can't wait." She squeezed his hand back in response. "I really can't wait either, Luke. It'll be such a wonderful day for both of us." They sat on the bench for a while in slience, their hands squeezing each others as they saw birds pass by and chirp into songs. _It's so peaceful._ Jocelyn thought. Idris flashed into her mind, the peaceful and beautiful meadows, the beautiful architecture and the wonderful cool nights. New York, even if it were loud, seemed to have something of Idris in it. Maybe it was the peaceful parks or the cool nights, she didn't know. All she knew was this was home for her.

Jocelyn finished her ice cream and looked at Luke. He had a peaceful look on his face. _Probably the same look on my face._ Jocelyn thought, and chuckled. Luke, noticing the chuckle, asked, "What is it?"

"Oh, I was just thinking that your face looks so peaceful. It looks really...wonderful on you." Luke smiled. "I think the same goes for you." And he kissed her softly on the lips.

The restuarant was bustling with people; couples, families, and many other kinds of people. After a long line of waiting, Jocelyn and Luke finally entered into a small table for two at the corner of the restuarant; a small booth with cushioned seats and a wall with intricate flower designs. _They look so beautiful._ Jocelyn thought, admiring the designs. A waitress with blonde hair stuck in a ponytail took their orders and walked off.

"Doesn't this restuarant look really nice? I think I might even make a painting of this place." Jocelyn said, admiring the view of the whole restuarant. The whole place had the same intricate flower designs and tables all over the room carved out of wood.

"Yes, it is quite the sight." Luke said, also looking and admiring the place.

Not long after, the waitress came back with their food, setting the plates down and walked off again. Jocelyn and Luke started to eat their food, savoring the taste. Luke, through a handful of food, opened his mouth to say something but stopped himself, throwing a confused glance past Jocelyn. Jocelyn looked at him in puzzlement. "Luke, is something...?" She turned around to see where he was looking at and saw two werewolves from Luke's pack standing in the other end of the restuarant, fingering Luke to approach them.

Jocelyn, noticing Luke's annoyance which was perfectly facaded, stood up from the seat and said, "I'm sorry, Jocelyn, but-"

"It's alright, Luke. Just go." Luke, passing a concerned glance towards Jocelyn, left the table. Jocelyn couldn't help feeling annoyed; of course whatever Luke was off to do was probably something important, he had a whole pack to be responsible of, but she didn't enjoy the fact that they had to interrupt a date of their's.

She looked at where Luke had went off to and she could see him and the two of his pack members talking urgently to each other. It seemed to be something serious. Jocelyn sighed. _Well, there goes our night together..._

She remembered when Valentine and her were on dates. There were barely any interruptions on their dates. He always seemed to know when-

Jocelyn stopped herself and saw a figure pass by where she was absent-mindedly looking at. A broad man with salt-white hair had passed her vision and seemed to be going to the door. She felt her heart contract. _Valentine?_

She stood up from her chair ubruptly, making the chair slide and grind against the floor that made an unpleasant sound on the floor and she ran off to the door as she saw the man pass through the exit. She slammed herself to the door, opening it ubruptly and wipped her head around looking for him, her hair wipping across her face. The streets were empty, only a few people walking by but the man with the salt-white hair was gone.

Jocelyn could feel her heart beat fast. _He's dead. He's dead. That wasn't him. That was just some old person or someone with white hair. Not Valentine. _Not _Valentine._

She retreated back into the restuarant, her heart pacing with fear and a twinge of paranoia. She remembered her dream. _Oh god, no, stop thinking about it!_

She tried her best not to run back to her table and she found Luke walking up to her, his face a mask of concern and worry. "Jocelyn, is everything alright? Why did you run off like that?"

Jocelyn, avoiding eye contact with Luke, said, "I thought I saw someone. Clary. No one was there, though, so I guess I was just seeing things." Jocelyn, noticing the paid check on their table, took Luke's hand and hurried out of the restuarant.

It was a quiet walk back to Luke's place. Jocelyn did her best to mask her worry, fear, and paranoia into a smile as Luke gave her concerned and worried looks. Everytime Luke would ask if she was alright she'd just reply with a, "Yes, everything's fine, Luke." She knew she was doing a terrible job of masking away her emotions but she didn't care. She wasn't going to tell Luke. She didn't want him to worry nor did she want him to know that Valentine was clouding her mind.

The dream and what she saw in the restuarant replayed in her mind over and over again. She was so sure that had to Valentine. No one had the same broad shoulders or salt-white hair as him. But he was dead wasn't he? Why was he here or even alive...?

They finally reached the house and while taking off her shoes, something struck in her mind that wasn't about Valentine or her worries.

"What did they want? The members of your pack, I mean."

Luke looked at Jocelyn, a little relieved for her to finally say something but the worry still there.

"Oh, just a small thing about one of the members fighting with another. Not much of a big deal. Everything's fine now but I'll have to go to the pack soon. Just to clear things up."

"I see. I'll see you soon, then?"

A moment of silence passed through them. Luke broke the silence and said, "Yes, I'll be back soon."

Luke took a step towards the door but hesitated. "Jocelyn... You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

A twinge of guilt passed through Jocelyn. "I know." she whispered.

Luke approached her and hugged her. "I love you, Jocelyn. Don't hold anything back when it comes to your worries, okay?"

Jocelyn stood there, being hugged by Luke. The guilt in her grew and she nodded, holding back tears. "Yes, I know, Luke. I know." Luke kissed her on the cheek and left. Jocelyn plopped herself on the couch, and betraying her will, started to cry.

Luke was so kind to her and yet she neglected to tell her about her troubles. What was wrong with her? Did Luke really deserve her?

Valentine popped in Jocelyn's head again.

_Maybe we were the perfect couple. A physco path and a women who neglects to ever trust her loved ones. A perfect match._

She fell asleep, exhausted from the figure at the restuarant, her worries, paranoia, and fear weighing down on her, and Valentine stuck in her mind.


	3. Chapter 3: Unexpected Appearances

_Chapter 3; Unexpected Appearances_

_Enjoy._

The dress looked beautiful on her. The white gleam of the dress matched the beautiful gleam of her fiery-red hair that was pulled up in tight curls and pins. It looked absolutely magnificent and made Jocelyn fluster. _Am I really this beautiful?_ She thought, bewildered. She never thought that she looked this beautiful. Every time Jocelyn wore something that made out her shape, she always found herself surprised. Like the time she had worn her wedding dress on her first wedding-

_Stop!_ She told herself, roughly. She knew where her thoughts were going to go. It always drifted to her unexpectantly and she hated it. She looked at her face in the mirror and was not surprised to see a terrified and sleepless face.

The dreams of Valentine had not stopped. Jocelyn had tried to do something about it. She took sleeping pills and runes that gave good and dreamless sleeps but none of them worked. She was getting a little terrified and more paranoid each night, having no sleep and terrible fatigue. It was slowly getting at her and she didn't know how long she could take it. She was trying her best, though, and was hoping that nothing horrid would happen.

Jocelyn admired herself more from the mirror. A smile crept on her lips and a small excitement went through her. _This wedding shall be wonderful, I just know it!_ She wondered what Luke would think of her in her dress, and muled over the thought of Luke's flushed face and giggled.

She took one step off the pedastal that she was standing on to see her reflection on the multiple mirrors surrounding it but stopped when she noticed a figure standing right behind her from the reflection of the mirror.

"You look beautiful, Jocelyn."

Valentine smiled at her from the mirror and she could feel his touch on her shoulder, warm, calm, and full of love.

Jocelyn stood immobile, shock filling her. "Va-Valen-"

"Mom?"

Jocelyn swirled around and found Clary, frowning, standing at the edge of the pedastal, looking at her. Jocelyn could see the admiring in Clary's eyes but also concern.

"Are you alright?"

Jocelyn stared at her daughter for a moment, still stunned from what she had saw, then said, "Oh, yes, Clary, I'm fine. You kind of scared me there!" She stepped off the pedestal and went to her daughter, smiling. "Well, what do you think?"

Clary looked at Jocelyn, broading over her dress. "It looks beautiful, mom." Clary smiled at her.

"Oh, thank goodness! I wonder what Luke will think?"

"I'm sure he'll think it's also beautiful." Clary said. "Anyways, mom, we have to go soon. We all have to go for dinner, remember?"

Jocelyn nodded. Clary and Jocelyn had decided to make a double date with herself, Luke, Clary, and Jace. Clary had demanded that Jocelyn needed to get to know more of Jace and see him as a wonderful boyfriend before ever thinking that Jace was anywhere near like Valentine. Jocelyn already thought that Jace was being a wonderful boyfriend and Jocelyn agreed with Clary; she should know more of Jace. Jocelyn, though, was a little relunctant of doing the double date. As much as she wanted to get to know Jace, she didn't want to have the subject of Jace's past and Valentine to show up during the date. Jocelyn was already suffering enough of Valnentine in her mind.

Jocelyn nodded and said, "Yes, I remember. I'll be out soon." Clary walked out and Jocelyn began to unchange from the dress. She kept on glancing at the mirrors.

_Was it just a trick of the light? Or just my imagination?_ She was so sure that that was Valentine who had been behind her that time when wearing the dress and that he had really touched her. But it couldn't be. He disappeared after she turned around. Yet, the touch had felt so real. His voice had seemed like he really had been there. She could even feel that her shoulder felt more warmer than the rest of her body but was sending a slight cold feeling from the touch. She shivered.

After dressed, she hurriedly walked out of the change room and looked after Clary and Luke.

They walked into a nice restuarant, not as nice as the one her and Luke had went to the time of their date, but it was still quite the nice restuarant filled with people.

They sat down near a secluded spot in the restuarant; in the corner of the restuarant that had cushioned seats. Luke and Jocelyn sat beside each other while Clary and Jace sat beside each other. They ordered drinks and an akward silence followed after.

Jocelyn knew that if Jace were not infront of her and Clary's soon-to-be step father, that he would have probably said a sarcastic remark of the akward silence. Or possibly, he had been thinking of one that very moment but did not say it out loud.

"Ah, well..." Clary said, breaking the silence. "This is my boyfriend, Jace." She indicated Jace with her hands. Jocelyn nodded. "Nice to meet you, Jace. I have seen you before. I'm sure that you're keeping my daughter safe and treating her well."

She could see that Jace was trying to act nice, which Jocelyn found funny yet nice. _Well, it's good to know that he's trying to make a nice first impression for me._

"Yes, I have been and plan to do for the rest of my life." he said.

Jocelyn smiled. "Well, then I don't have much other to say to you. I'm glad you're my daughter's boyfriend." She reached out her hand for Jace to shake.

Jace looked taken aback but he quickly made his himself expressionless. He reached out and shook Jocelyn's hand. "It's a pleasure you think so."

_So,_ Thought Jocelyn, _He was expecting me to make it harder to accept him because of his past._ Jocelyn wasn't at all surprised by this. As long as Clary was happy and not hurt from Jace, Jocelyn frankly didn't care if they were together or not.

"You don't need to hold back your personality, Jace. You can act like yourself." Jocelyn smiled at Jace again and rested her hand down on the table.

Jace, sighing, said, "Why, thank-you. Now I can finally be back into my sarcastic ways. Woohoo!" he said in mock happiness. At this, Jocelyn chuckled. Clary, though, looked at him sharply.

_Jace is quite the boy._ Jocelyn thought.

They ordered their food as the waitress finally came with their drinks and once their food came to them, they started to dig in hungrily.

Jocelyn was surprised at how hungry she was. She finally realized how much she had barely aten that week. Her dreams had made such an impact on her that she had not had an apetite for most of the whole week. She was surprised that she hadn't lost much weight over the week.

"So, Jace," Jocelyn said between mouthfuls of food. "Tell me about yourself."

Jocelyn already knew much about Jace, but she thought that maybe it would be better if Jace himself told his side of the story instead of Jocelyn assuming.

Jace was silent for a while, taking a few mouthful of food before speaking. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Anywhere, really." Jocelyn said. "How about your personality and the kinds of women you've dated?" She saw Clary looked at her sharply. Jocelyn gave her a look that said, _Well, it's a start._

"Hmm...well, you already know that I'm quite the sarcastic gentleman. The types of women I've dated shouldn't really matter. I've only really dated a few faeries and maybe a Shadowhunter or two. Not really much." Jace said in a polite and matter-of-factly tone. Jocelyn nodded. "The Player type. I see."

Clary looked absolutely embarrased. It didn't seem to be going the way she expected but it also seemed that it was going way better than she had expected it. Jocelyn smiled.

The talking went on. Jocelyn learned from Jace that not only is he being quite the gentleman to her daughter, that he is even refraining his sarcasm for her. Jocelyn knew he was lying and kidding, but she didn't really mind. Jace seemed to be a very nice boy and was nothing like whom she thought he was. _He's no where like Va-_

Jocelyn breathed in deeply, drifting her mind off the topic of her ex-lover. _Don't even go anywhere _near _there. _She thought.

Jocelyn was purposely not asking about Jace's past. She knew a little about it but she didn't want the topic of Jace's past to automatically go to Valentine. She didn't want anyone mentioning Valentine or anything ghastly he'd done. Or to just plain say his name.

She looked at Jace and knew that what she had first thought of him was wrong. He was nothing like that beast and was just as great as Clary had said he was.

"I suppose we should get going. It's late." Luke said, breaking Jocelyn's reverie. Clary looked at her cellphone for the time and nodded. "Yeah, it's 8:00 o'clock. We should get going." Clary and Jace stood up from their seats, Jace putting in some money to pitch in, and they left, waving. Jocelyn waved back.

"I like Jace. He's really actually a nice boy." Jocelyn said to Luke after Clary and Jace left the restuarant. Luke snorted. "Yeah, well, you haven't seen some sides of him."

They, too, stood up from their seats and paid the check. They started to walk towards the exit. "Yes," Jocelyn said, "But, even so, he seems like a very nice boy for Clary to have. I approve of them together. Don't you?"

Luke sighed. "I suppose so. He hasn't done much to hurt Clary so I guess I also approve of them."

They had reached the exit and Luke opened it for Jocelyn, gesturing for her to go first. Jocelyn stepped out of the restuarant, outside to the New York air. Jocelyn stepped out of the entrance way for Luke to also go out of the restuarant. She looked around for Luke's truck and spotted the vehicle, stuck between two other cars. She looked back and took Luke's hand and said, "Well, we better-"

She stopped short as she turned to see the truck. In front of the truck was a tall figure, a figure that Jocelyn had seen so many times in her two weeks of non-stop nightmares.

"Va-Valen..." She faltered, dread creeping up in her. She heard Luke calling her name but he sounded distant, so far away from her. The figure turned slowly around and Jocelyn could see the pure-white hair and not long after, his eyes. His bottomless eyes. She could see his whole face now and she saw him smile at her. "Jocelyn."

Then, everything went blank.


	4. Chapter 4: The Voice

_**Chapter 4:**__ The Voice_

_Enjoy._

_Jocelyn heard a distant voice coming from far away in the darkness. The voice was that of a man; he was speaking softy to her, so softly and gently that Jocelyn thought she could sleep from such a soft voice._

_But the man's voice was not a voice she wanted to hear. It was Valentine's soft voice, speaking to her like he had when Jocelyn had been comatose. _

_"Remember the time when we were at the wedding? Our wedding? You looked so beautiful; I thought that you were the most beautiful angel there was in the world. You looked so gorgeous in that elegent dress... You eyes like shining emeralds and your hair like wiping fire." _

_Valentine's soft voice pierced hard at Jocelyn. His voice seemed so close yet so far away._

_"Jocelyn, you were so beautiful. So beautiful..."_

_I'm so sorry, Jocelyn. For everything I've done. The cruel things I've done, everything; I'm so sorry. I just thought that the Circle was going to be the greatest success in all of Shadowhunter history. That everyone was going to stay with me, that I wasn't going to be alone, that everything would be just you, me, our children, and the Circle. Jocelyn...why did you leave me? Why did everyone leave me? The Circle, you, everyone...they left me. Why? I know what I did was cruel but...it was all for our happiness. For the history of the Shadowhunter world and for mankind. Jocelyn, you were everything to me. Everything. Yet...yet all I cherished left me. Jocelyn, why? All I...All I did...it was right, wasn't it? Everything I did was wonderful. It was right. I did it because it was right...wasn't it, Jocelyn?"_

_Valentine's soft voice now turned ragged with sobbing. Jocelyn couldn't take it anymore. His despair, his desperation; Jocelyn couldn't take it. _Shut up, please, shut up! Everything you did was wrong! Stop it, please! _Shut up!, Jocelyn thought desperatly._

_But Valentine continued on._

_"Jocelyn, our baby boy, Jonathan, he was beautiful. I know he frightened you and I understand why; he's such a powerful being. But, Jocelyn, he's our precious baby boy. He's our lovely precious boy. And our daughter. She's almost everything like you, Jocelyn. So stubborn and strong. Jocelyn, you can see, can't you? You always could see how it was with me, you always believed in me and loved me, you can see, can't you? Jocelyn, you always calmed me down and always made me in peace. You knew me. Jocelyn, you're one of the only person I have in my life now. Please...I'm begging you, don't leave me. Don't leave me like you did. Don't leave me like the others did. You understand me. You love me, don't you, Jocelyn? Don't you?"_

_Valentine's voice was filled with sobbing despair and hurt that Jocelyn thought Valentine's voice was the very sound of despair.. Jocelyn, too, starting to sob in desperation. _Please...stop...

_"Jocelyn...I love you. I love you so much. Jocelyn...Jocelyn..."_

"Jocelyn!"

Jocelyn's eyes snapped open with a force that made her head ache. She felt a slight pounding in her head and felt dampness on her cheeks and face. _Was I crying?_ She thought. She looked to her left and saw Luke beside her, crouching down and frowning. She looked around and finally realized where she was.

She was back in Luke's house and was lying on his couch. "Luke...uh...what happened?" she asked, and found her voice surprisingly raspy.

"You collapsed outside the restuarant. I carried you back to the truck and drove you home. You didn't seem to have a fever of some kind so I thought it was okay to send you home without going to the Institute." Luke said. He seemed to be deeply troubled of something and had his burrow furrowed.

"Oh..." Jocelyn mumbled. A flash of her seeing Valentine before Luke's truck popped into her mind. So, she had collapsed at the sight of Valentine infront of Luke's truck and even collapsed infront of Luke himself. That wasn't good. If Luke were to find out about Jocelyn's paranoia and dreams, she didn't think it would go well.

"Yeah...I felt a little dizzy after getting out of the restuarant but I'm fine now. No need to worry!" Jocelyn said and tried to smile but ended up smiling a pained smile. Luke's frown deepened and concern and doubt clouded his eyes. "Joceyln...is something happening? Are you alright?"

Jocelyn sat there, blank for a moment. Should she tell him? Should she not? The question hung in her mind.

A small, quiet voice appeared in the back of Jocelyn's mind, so small she couldn't even hear the voice herself. _Don't_, it said. _Don't._

Jocelyn smiled and said, "No, nothing's wrong, Luke. I'm fine."

Jocelyn lay in her bed, contemplating everything that had happened. Valentine's sobbing voice haunted her mind. _It was right. I did it because it was right...wasn't it, Jocelyn? Jocelyn, you're one of the only person I have in my life now._ Jocelyn grit her teeth together.

_It's just a dream. What he said wasn't true. It's just some random stupid voice that-_

She inhaled as realization coursed through. _Could it be? No, no, I have runes. Every Shadowhunter has it from birth; it's not possible._ A horrid realization dawned in her.

_Could a demon possibly be doing this to her?_ It was rather absurd and she doubted it but, what else could it be? She thought despairingly that it was her guilt and longing for Valentine but she knew full well that she hated Valentine's guts. Or did she just think she hated him? What if she just-

_Stop it, stop it, STOP IT._ She thought, frustration and dread coursing through her. _I hate Valentine. Valentine is dead and I hate him. End of story._

Yet a nagging was deep in her mind, a nagging of doubt and worry. She bit her lip. She felt guilty for not telling Luke anything that was happening to her. _Maybe...maybe I should go tell Luke. Maybe that would help. Maybe..._

_Don't._

The voice again struck in Jocelyn's mind, too soft and quiet to be heard.

_Don't._

A slight reassuring went through, a pleasant reassuring that she knew was not supposed to be there. But Jocelyn accepted the welcoming feeling, and she dozed off, hoping to the angels that she would have a dreamless sleep.

_**A/N**__: I actually cried during this fanfic. When I was thinking of what Valentine would say, I just started to cry. I don't know, I just find it sad for what happened to Valentine. I mean, you can't really blame him. He did things that he thought was right. He just thought that it was all right. He didn't realize how terrible it was. But I suppose he was bordering somewhere near the insanity line. Valentine, I shall forever love you. ;_;_


	5. Chapter 5: It's Not Just a Dream Anymore

_**Chapter 5; **__It's Not Just A Dream Anymore_

_Enjoy._

_"Va-Valen..." _

The words echoed in Luke's mind as he walked in the middle of the night for a stroll. He wanted to have a nice walk and brush off the latest of his packs' problems. Many fights had been occuring in the pack and it was starting to tire. It seemed, though, that the pack member who had engaged into battle forgot the attack the second Luke stopped it. Luke was stumped as how they completely forgot such an attack against the other pack member. Both pack member hadn't even know what the attack was for.

Luke bit his lip as the words echoed in his mind again. Was he sure that he heard Jocelyn right? It couldn't be... She wasn't about say _his_ name, was she? She had seemed so stunned and horrified. What was the cause of it?

Luke contemplated over the questions, hoping to reach a solution. Maybe Jocelyn was going through some sort of phase? Perhaps she wasn't over Valentine yet? Luke snorted at the thought, dissmissing it, knowing full well that Jocelyn wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. He was dead and that was that.

Yet a nagging concern remained in his mind. It seems very likely that Jocelyn was about to say Valentine's name before she collapsed. Something was definitely going on and Jocelyn wasn't telling him. Luke sighed. Why wouldn't Jocelyn trust him? He wouldn't think anything bad of her. Why not tell him anything of what was going on to her?

Luke suddenly felt frustrated, but pulled the emotion back, sighing again. He didn't want to force Jocelyn to tell him. _But,_ he thought. _If it gets any more serious, I might have to..._

Luke sighed yet again and strode down the road, heading towards his house.

Jocelyn laid in her bed, no sleep coming to her. _So, _she thought bitterly, _another night without sleep._ She heard a door opening from afar and knew that Luke had come back from his pack. She quickly shifted on the bed, laying on her side, and feigned sleep, hoping that Luke wouldn't notice her awake. She heard the bedroom door open and close, and heard undressing and dressing. Luke's footsteps grew louder as he came closer to the bed, and he plomped down on the bed, lying beside Jocelyn. She felt the bed shift, and from the little lights seeping through her eyelids, noticed that it had gotten darker. She felt a kiss on her forehead and then another shifting from the bed. Then, stillness.

A single name popped into her mind. _Valentine._

She cursed herself and found a slight fear creep into her. _The man laying beside me is Luke. Not Valentine. _Luke. She thought harshly to herself, hoping to calm herself down. She opened her eyelid a little, peeking through them, and turned, hoping to not make a sound. To her relief, she saw Luke beside her, quietly snoring.

Jocelyn chuckled. _Sleeping already. _She felt a small twinge of envy. _If only I could fall asleep that fast with no worries..._

She closed her eyes again, and willed herself to sleep.

No sleep came. Jocelyn sighed, frustrated. _Maybe if I walk around a little..._

She heaved herself up from the bed and crept quietly to the door, opening and closing it. She walked to down the hallway, slowing down her steps only when passing Clary's door, and then came to the kitchen. She rummaged through the fridge, grabbed a cold water bottle, and poured it into a glass cup. She put the glass cup to her lips and enjoyed the cold feeling spread in her mouth, to her throat, and down her chest. She turned, heading for the couch.

She stopped ubruptly, dropping the glass cup, shattering into pieces. Valentine sat on the couch, quietly sitting as if waiting for someone. He didn't flinch or respond to the sudden sound of shattering glass but he slowly turned, looking up at Jocelyn.

He smiled, and Jocelyn's heart felt like it stopped. Valentine's bottomless eyes felt like she was falling down a dark hole and a sudden panic bubbled up inside her; a dark panic that someone got when they were near death.

"Jocelyn, I was waiting for you."

Valentine's voice hit Jocelyn hard and she collapsed onto the ground. She felt a sudden sharp pain in her hand, and felt hot liquid trickle from it. A sudden sense of dread coarsed through her. _Oh god...this isn't a dream. Please, please, let it be a dream...Oh god.._

"This is not a dream, Jocelyn. Come, sit next to me." Valentine said, patting the empty space next to him.

The dread felt numbing in Jocelyn. Her breath turned ragged. "No..." She whispered. "You're dead. This has to be a dream. Y-you're..."

Valentine stood up from the couch and walked up to Jocelyn, crouched down and caressed her cheek. Valentine's eyes showed love in them. Love that Jocelyn thought could not be real in Valentine.

"Jocelyn. I love you." Valentine's face drew closer and Jocelyn's sight turned dark and blank as she fell into the dark embrace of unconsciousness.

_**A/N:**_It's Chapter 5! Oh, if anyone is slightly confused, this chapter happens right after Chapter 4, meaning that Jocelyn in her bed is still at the same time she is in her bed in Chapter 4. If you can recall from before, Jocelyn was in her bed alone. Luke had left after the small lap of when Jocelyn said everything was alright and then skipped to her in bed. I just didn't say it in Chapter 4. Sorry if I might have confused anyone. D: Yes, Luke's point of view is in this chapter. :3 Muhahaha, anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you in Chapter 6!


	6. Chapter 6: Light Leads to Determination

_**Chapter 6; **__Light Leads To Determination_

_Enjoy._

Jocelyn was enveloped in pure darkness for some time.

She didn't know how long she had been surrounded by this abyssal darkness, but all she knew was that she was fast asleep and surrounded by a very dark entity. It was a rather maddening entity; one of longing and determination, despair and a twisted blank numbness that sent Jocelyn shivers.

A dark light hit her closed eyelids, sparking a sort of dull light in her vision. She slowly opened them, slightly groggy. She fixed her eyes on a floating ball of shining dark light in the middle of the piercing darkness. She was slightly stumped as how the dark light could be seen in a totally dark place but her thoughts were interrupted as she heard someone call her name.

_"Jocelyn. Jocelyn._"

It seemed to be coming from the dark light. Jocelyn raised her arm towards it.

_"Jocelyn. Jocelyn._"

The voice was very familiar to her. She couldn't decipher as to who's voice it was.

_"Jocelyn. Jocelyn..._"

The dark light dispersed before she could reach it, and she felt a sudden longing, a cruel longing as tormenting as the one around her.

_No! No, where did it, go? Please, no don't go!_

But her silent protests were not answered and the dark ball of light did not come back. Instead, a more brighter and bigger ball of light enveloped the darkness. She felt the dark entity cringe and wince at the shining light. The ball grew bigger until it consumed all of the darkness. Then, a blurred image dissolved from the light.

Jocelyn slowly opened her groggy eyes and found herself back in her bedroom. Light shone out of the window, casting a morning glow in the room. Her mind was blank for a moment as she stared at her surroundings and tried to think about what she had dreamed.

Nothing came into her mind, though. Her dream had dissolved out of her memory. She was sure that she dreamed of something, though.

_Don't._

The soft voice echoed in her skull.

_Don't._

Jocelyn felt herself let go of trying to remember. She felt a sudden panic. _Should I be letting this go...?_

_Don't..._

The memory and feeling of ever having a dream disappeared right out of her mind and Jocelyn felt blank again. A sudden memory hit her.

_Oh my god..._ Images flashed in her mind of Valentine sitting on the couch.

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god._

Jocelyn hurriedly stumbled out of bed and rushed out of the room and ran straight to the living room. Luke was no where to be seen nor was Clary.

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god, no, no, NO!_

She rushed to the kitchen and searched frantically around. She spotted a note attached to the counter. She picked it up and noticed that her finger was wrapped in a bandage showing _Hello Kitty._ She stared at the bandage, dazed. A revolting realization ran through and her lip trembled as she stiffled a cry. She frantically started to read the note.

_Dear Jocelyn,_

_I found you in the living room floor after hearing a sudden crash in the middle of the night. I patched up your finger for you once I found the cut and cleaned up the glass. Don't worry about Clary and me, I'm with the pack and Clary's out in the Institute to do her training. Call me once you wake up._

_Luke._

A sudden relief coursed through her and glazed over her panic and she relaxed. _Good,_ she thought. _Luke and Clary are okay._

She glanced down at the bottom of the note and saw a P.S.

_P.S._

_Jocelyn, once I get home, can you please tell me what's going on? You've been acting strangely and I just want to know..._

_Is something wrong? What's happening? I want to help you, Jocelyn. I love you._

Jocelyn stared at the words and Valentine's soft voice flashed in her mind. _I love you._

She crumpled the note in her hand and tossed it into the garbage.

She needed to do something. And fast. Luke had noticed that something was bothering her. That wasn't good. She couldn't tell him what she was experiencing. She just couldn't.

_What can I do? Who can I go to? _She paced the room, desperatly thinking for something.

Then, something clicked in.

_Yes...yes, I could go to him! He could help me!_ She went to go grab her jacket but stopped herself. _No...What will he think of me when I tell him this?_

_What choice do you have?_ Asked an opposing voice in her mind. _You have to do this to save yourself from the hell you're going through._

Jocelyn sucked in her breath and a sudden determination grasped ahold of her. _Yes, I have to do this._

She hurriedly dressed, grabbing her jacket and headed out.


	7. Chapter 7: Determination Growing

_**Chapter 7;**__ Determination Growing_

_Enjoy._

Jocelyn rang the buzzer at least more than a dozen times until he had finally answered.

"Who the hell is it?" Magnus' voice was pitched with annoyance and groggyness. So, Jocelyn had accidently cut through Magnus' sleep. A slight twinge of guilt went through Jocelyn but she pushed it back and said, "I'm sorry for having to call you like this, Magnus, but I have to...ask you a favor."

A deafening and impatient silence came for a moment and Jocelyn suddenly felt nervous. _Should I have come here...?_

Jocelyn heard a sort of grunt which, Jocelyn assumed, was Magnus' sigh through the buzzer and heard Magnus say, "Fine, come in."

Jocelyn trudged up the steps and knocked on Magnus' door. He opened it revealing a skinny young man looking at least 16 to 19 years old wrapped in a sleeping robe. In Jocelyn's surprise, Magnus had his hair down, not spiked as it usually was. Jocelyn entered Magnus' apartment and when she heard the click of the door shutting, Jocelyn sighed.

"So," Magnus said. "What is this favor you want me to do?" Jocelyn stood silent for a moment, pondering whether she should tell Magnus what was happening to her and whether or not to ask the favor.

"...Magnus...you have to help me." Before Jocelyn could stop herself, the words came tumbling down, her mouth moving with out her wanting them to.

"Magnus, you don't know what I've been going through for this past month. I've been having nightmares and dreams about Valentine and they haunt me so much. Magnus, I don't know what to do. I've been seeing these hallucinations of Valentine and I hear his voice when I'm asleep and I can't sleep at night anymore. I can't tell this to Luke or Clary at all and I just don't know what to do. Last night I saw Valentine sitting in the couch and he even reached out and touched me, and I could even _feel_ the touch. I _felt_ it. Magnus, what's going on with me? What's wrong with me? Valentine's dead and yet I get all of these horrid things happening to me. Magnus, I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do..."

Jocelyn inhaled from the outburst and felt hot tears swell her eyes and run down her cheeks. All her pent up frustration and fear, her despair and paranoia, she poured it all out in her tears and her words. She started to tremble uncontrollably and did not notice herself collapse on the ground, sobbing her agonizing emotions away.

Magnus was silent and waited until Jocelyn's tears and hyperventalating turned into a calm sniffling. "Jocelyn, why have you not told this to Luke or Clary? Why just me?"

Jocelyn looked up at Magnus. Jocelyn felt a sudden need to laugh at how ridiculous the question sounded to her. "Why? _Why?_ Magnus, I can't possibly tell Luke or Clary. They'd both think I'm going mad or still in love with Valentine and I don't want Luke to think of that...especially Luke."

Magnus, avoiding Jocelyn's gaze, replied, "Jocelyn, I don't care what you think. You should've told your family first. They're your family and they should understand you. It doesn't matter what _they_ think, really. You should've told them first because they're your family and your loved ones."

Jocelyn couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Magnus...you can't be serious." She looked at him in shock and bewilderment. "I'm not telling them this because I love them..."

"_You're not telling them because you're scared of what they'll think of you!_" Magnus bellowed at Jocelyn in a sudden unexpected rage, now looking at her. "Jocelyn, you're being pathetic! Indeed, what _is_ wrong with you?" Jocelyn, now shocked, stunned, and stabbed with horrible dread and feeling of hopelessness, looked at Magnus, too shocked to say anything. "What makes you think I'm going to do this favor of your's when you haven't even told your family of it? I know I shouldn't even care about what my clients' situation is but this is very low, Jocelyn, even for someone like you!" Magnus panted, his ranting and shouting tiring him, and he spat at Jocelyn's shoes. "Tell me, Jocelyn. Tell me why I should do this favor of your's, whatever it is." Magnus glared at Jocelyn with a loathing and anger Jocelyn felt was so strong and she winced at the gaze.

"Magnus...I don't want to go through this hell...I want it to stop...I've been going through so much pain..." Jocelyn murmurered, a despair and hopelessness taking over her and avoided Magnus' strong, steely gaze. Magnus sighed, his anger dissolving away as he calmed himself. "Jocelyn, what is this favor you want me to do?"

She looked at Magnus, trying very hard to stop the tears and to look steely herself. "I want you to probe through my mind and see what's causing me to have these weird dreams and hallucinations."

Silence once again took over the room as Jocelyn saw Magnus think it over. "Fine." he said. "But, you must tell what is happening to you to both Clary and Luke. Promise me you will do this and I will do this favor for you."

An uncertainty went through Jocelyn. _Should I do this...? I don't know... I..._ Jocelyn breathed in sharply. _What am I thinking? I need to do this to show my family that I trust them and to stop hiding this! I need to tell them! And if it cures me from this hell, then I'm doing it!_

"Yes. I promise, I will tell them." Jocelyn said, a determination growing in her.

Seeing that Jocelyn was serious about the promise, Magnus nodded. "Alright then." Magnus walked towards the crumpled Jocelyn, and he put his hand over her forehead. Jocelyn's view was obscured by his hands. "Now, you know that I am not an expert of this and I might not be able to help you with your problem, much less tell you what's going on with you, but I shall try. Now, close your eyes and will your mind to go blank."

Jocelyn did as told, and she suddenly felt as if floating. She felt herself being tugged at places as if someone were tugging and pushing at her. After a few tugs and pushes on random places, she felt a sudden pain in her head and she cried out. The pain worsened as the tug seemed to go tighter, and she felt herself slowly crumble, as if she were turning into dust. _Oh god, make it stop. MAKE IT STOP._ The pain was excrutiating. She felt the tugging fade away and her head felt numb and hardened. The floating feeling faded away and she slowly opened her eyes, her eyes groggy and wet from fresh tears.

Magnus' hand went away from Jocelyn's forehead, and she saw his deep frown. "Hmm...You seem to be stable. Of course, your mental stability is a little off but otherwise, everything else seems to be good... Though, there is a place where it is very hard to reach. It seems locked and isolated. Whether this is your own private area or maybe the source of your distress, I'm not sure. It didn't want to open, though, that's for sure." Jocelyn slightly stumbled as she stood and held her aching head.

"I think you'll have to meet one of the Silent Brothers in order to really help you get out of what's happening to you. They're more advanced at this and I'm sure they'll probably be able to help you more than I have." Magnus concluded.

_Meet the Silent Brothers?_ Jocelyn never really minded the Silent Brothers, but she didn't really like them much, either. If she were to go to them, they'd surely find out what's wrong with Jocelyn but then they'd also see who she was dreaming of and she didn't want that to leak out. _I've already told Magnus and promised to tell Clary and Luke! I need to do this to help myself!_ Jocelyn shook her head to clear herself and slowly breathed in and out. "Thank-you so much, Magnus. Thank-you..."

Magnus nodded. He glanced at the clock. "Well, since you've done your business here, would you be so glad as to leave? You've messed up my sleeping schedule and now you'll mess up my lunch schedule if you keep on standing there." Magnus went off to his kitchen but stopped near the counter. "And don't forget, Jocelyn. Tell them."

Jocelyn nodded and headed out of Magnus' apartment feeling sick, heavy, but deteremined.


	8. Chapter 8: Revealing

_**Chapter 8; **__Revealing_

_Enjoy._

Jocelyn's head was still pounding as she approached Luke's place. Judging from where the sun was in the sky and what Magnus had said, it was lunch. _Luke and Clary are probably inside._.. Jocelyn thought. She breathed in, pushing away any doubts and steeled herself, and walked up the steps, into the bookstore and up to the apartment.

Jocelyn heard voices as she walked up to the door and recognized them as both Clary's and Luke's. She also heard a sort of sizzling sound. Luke was cooking lunch.

"I wonder where mom went." Clary's voice.

"I'm sure she just went for a small walk. She'll be back." Luke's voice. Though it sounded reasurring, Jocelyn could hear the concern in his voice.

"It's not really like mom..."

"I know but I'm sure she'll be back."

"Hrrgg..."

"I know you want to go look for her, Clary, but, like I said, I'm sure she'll be back."

And as if on cue, Jocelyn knocked on the door before she could stop herself.

_You can do this, Jocelyn. You can tell them. You already knocked on the door, there's no turning back._

She heard a sudden bolting noise and foot steps and the door opened in front of her. Clary was at the doorway and relief covered her face. "Mom! There you are! We were wondering where you were!" A slight anger crossed Clary's face. "Yes, where were you, mom? We were worried!" Jocelyn felt a sudden need to laugh; she was getting scolded like a child by her own daughter. Yet when she thought of it, it sounded horribly pathetic.

"I'm sorry for worrying you. I was...just out to see someone." Jocelyn said, slightly stalling as she walked into the place and sat on the couch.

"To see someone? Who?" Luke asked. His voice was hard to decipher, she didn't know if it was suspicion or concern.

"Oh, just a warlock." Jocelyn replied, avoiding eye contact with Luke.

"A warlock...?" Clary asked, finally saying something after Jocelyn came. "Were you seeing Magnus? What for?"

_Seeing right through me._ Jocelyn thought, smiling faintly. _Alright, this is it, Jocelyn. You have to tell them. _

"Luke...Clary...I have something I need to tell you. Something important." She said, looking at Luke and then Clary in the eyes. When no one answered, Jocelyn went on.

"I've been suffering through insomnia and paranoia through this past month. I've been suffering though this because..." Jocelyn breathed in deeply. _This is it. Tell them, Jocelyn. Tell them!_

"I've been having dreams of Valentine and seeing hallucinations of him everywhere. I don't know why this is and how it's happening but it just is. I'm planning to go to the Silent Brothers soon so that they could help me and find out what's wrong with me. I went to Magnus today so that he could help me and he concluded that I should go to them and so I will."

There was a deafening silence in the room that made Jocelyn nervous. _Oh god, what have I done? Should I have told them? Oh god, Oh god-_

"Jocelyn." Luke's voice pierced the silence and scared Jocelyn. She jumped a little and snapped her head towards him. "Y-yes...?" She stuttered.

"...Why didn't you tell us this earlier? Why now?" Luke's voice was emotionless and Jocelyn felt guilt. _Yes...why didn't I tell them this earlier?_

"I didn't want to worry you or Clary. I thought it was just some stupid phase but I guess it's serious. Luke, Clary...I'm sorry. I really am. But I'm going to the Silent Brothers and I know they'll be able to help me!" Jocelyn felt a bubble of hysteria emerge in her. _Calm down, Oh god, Jocelyn, calm down!_

She heard Clary sigh and Jocelyn knew Clary wanted to burst and yell about as to why she hadn't told them earlier. Especially for the fact that it was about Valentine. "Well, there's no point in babbling now. I suppose you'll have to go to the Silenet Brothers soon. Let's just eat and then go." Seeing no one protesting, she went to the kitchen and grabbed the lunch. It was grilled cheese.

Throughout lunch there was silence and Jocelyn couldn't help but feel like she had just teared a painful hole in both Luke and Clary.

_Oh god...why did I tell them?_

While she ate, the silent word echoed in her head once more. A word she was starting to agree with.

_Don't._

_Don't._

_Don't._

_**A/N:**__ Sorry for the long update! I had a whole week of exams and studying. But, school's over now and the updates should be coming up more often. But I might get a little lazy, seeing as it's Summer vacation. I shall try my best! I'm also planning on switching POV's a little in the next chapter. Anyways, until Chapter 9!_


	9. Chapter 9: Stress Can Break One's Sanity

_**Chapter 9; **__Stress Can Break One's Sanity_

_Enjoy._

_-Luke_

Luke wasn't suprised once he walked into his apartment to find Jocelyn gone without a trace. He found the note he wrote to her crumbled in the garbage and assumed that she had read it. _She'll come back. I know she will._ Luke's confusion did grow but he held the resolve, _or is it just desperate hope that I'm clinging to?, _that Jocelyn was coming back. She had to come back.

Luke plopped himself on the couch, welcoming the relaxing and soothing feel, dulling his worry and numbness in his legs. There were no fights happening so far, to Luke's relief, from the sudden fights from the other past weeks. _Maybe it was just some random blood lust of some kind? _He never understood why it had happened and he had kept a more watchful eye on them. He didn't see anymore abnormal activity with them so he was hoping that the fightings had stopped for good.

He groaned and shifted, lying on the couch and put a pillow on his head. _I hate all of this..._

Luke laid there for a time, willing his mind to go blank. He decided to go and make lunch to help his mind get off of the stresses and walked into the kitchen, taking out toast and slices of cheese. He put them on a pan, and heated the stove until he heard the door open and close. He heard a voice say, "Luke, is that you?"

Clary walked into the kitchen and put her bag on the counter.

"Just a lot of stupid fights and stresses from the pack. It's nothing." he said, scratching his head.

"Oh. I hope Maia is okay." Clary said, her brow furrowed with concern.

"She's okay. It's just the other pack members."

There was a small silence after and both went into the living room and sat on the couches.

Clary looked around. "...Is mom still asleep?"

Another small moment of silence.

"No. She's out." Luke replied.

"What? Where did she go?" Clary asked, slight panic erupting in her voice.

"I don't know but I'm sure she'll be back." Luke answered, avoiding Clary's eyes.

Another long silence came. Clary looked slightly hesitant and seemed to be thinking hard before she finally said something.

"...Luke...I think something wrong is going on with mom. I don't know what, but I just think that something wrong is happening. She seems so jumpy and she has humongous bags under her eyes and from what happened last night..." Concern and worry were in Clary's voice.

Luke sighed and remembered the panic of finding Jocelyn crumpled on the floor and bleeding, and looked at Clary, exhausted. "I think so, too, Clary."

Jocelyn's words flashed again in his mind. _Va-Valen..._

His hands clenched into fists on his knees and he sighed again, wary and tired.

"...Do...do you think it has something to do with Valentine...?" Clary said, hesitantly and with such effort it seemed to hurt Clary to say it.

_Va-Valen..._

_Va-Valen..._

_Valentine..._

"No!" Luke shouted, making Clary jump in surprise. "...N..No...I don't think so." Luke said, panting slightly. _Calm down, Luke. Calm down, calm down, calm down..._

Another long moment of silence came. Luke felt guitly for shouting and opened his mouth to apologize when Clary said, "I wonder where mom went."

"I'm sure she just went for a small walk. She'll be back." Luke said, trying to sound reassuring.

"It's not really like mom..."

"I know but I'm sure she'll be back."

"Hrrgg..."

"I know you want to go look for her, Clary, but, like I said, I'm sure she'll be back."

A sudden knock came at the door and Clary immediatly hopped off the couch and went to the door, opening it. Jocelyn stood there, her face reddish-pink as if she were crying and her eyes tinted pink. As Luke gazed at her he noticed how awful Jocelyn really looked. Her bags under her eyes were a sickly darkish purple bruise and Jocelyn looked as if she aged 20 years. _Oh dear god._ Luke thought. _What's happening to you, Jocelyn?_

As Jocelyn told him and Clary what was happening to her, Luke felt a terrible sick feeling rot in him, and a sudden despair went through him. _Valentine. Valentine. Valentine Valentine_ The name kept on going through his mind and a sudden loathing and hatred for that man grew bigger.

As Clary went to get the lunch in the kitchen to go get the lunch, Luke refused to look at Jocelyn. The sick feeling wouldn't stop and it felt as if it were growing bigger. Even while they ate together, it felt too akward and awful.

_Oh god, what happened to you, Jocelyn? What happened..._

All Luke could think of was hoping that the Silent Brothers would help Jocelyn.

_Because if they can't help her, then I don't know who can. _

Yet Valentine's name still echoed in his mind, and Luke felt his sanity slowly slip away.

_**A/N:**__ So sorry for the long update! The summer vacation has made me busy with other stuff. I'm planning on making two more chapters for July. I won't be on for the first few weeks of August so expect a chapter around the end of August. I ended up having just Luke's POV throughout the whole chapter. But it's alright. While making this chapter, an idea popped into my head for the story. I kind of foreshadowed what it is. I feel so excited for some odd reason. :'D Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and until Chapter 10!_


	10. Chapter 10: The Silent Brothers

_**Chapter 10; **__The Silent Brothers_

_**A/N;**__ Sorry guys, for the terrible hiatus on this fanfic! I went for vacation and had a pretty good time. c: Unfortuantly, I wasn't able to buy the rest of the Mortal Instruments series so this will be going on memory alone. Sorry if I've made some mistake from the canon series. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!_

_Enjoy_

Jocelyn hated it. She just _hated_ it

All along the way to the City of Bones it was total unnerving silence. No one spoke to each other or even looked at each other. There were akward shifts here and there but other than that, no one moved. It was just total silence.

Jocelyn didn't know how she, or anyone in the carriage, was surviving in this silence. She attempted to say something a few times, but always backed down, not finding enough courage. As she was finding the guts to finally say something along the lines to, "I'm sorry", the carriage went to an abrupt stop.

They were in the cemetery leading to the Silent Brother's liar.

Walking past the gravestones brought many memories to Jocelyn of when she had been in the Circle, but she pushed those out of her mind. As they walked up to the gravestone with the Angel, they found one of the Silent Brothers standing in front of the hunk of stone, waiting.

_I know what you have come for._

The voice was a huge blow to Jocelyn. For a second, she thought it was Valentine's voice but as the voice spoke again, she realized that it was the Silent Brother speaking.

_Follow me._

And so they did.

The steps were still dried with blood from the horrid massacre Valentine had done to the Silent Brothers, but most had been washed off. There was only a faint stench of blood and a sort of acid smell. Jocelyn saw Clary gag from the smell and saw Luke's discontent on his face. None of them were enjoying this.

They appeared in front the council of the Silent Brothers in their large spacious room, only a few sitting in their tall chairs. They didn't bother to look at any of them as they had aproached the room but decided to talk all at once.

_What is it that you want us to do?_

The voices were more of a shock than when the other lone Silent Brother had talked. Jocelyn shuddered as they had talked and immediatly wished she hadn't came here.

"I-I want you to probe in my mind and d-destroy whatever is making me mad." Jocelyn said, trying her hardest to muster bravado. She had to be brave for this, even if inside she was a mess.

_What do you think we will get out of this? Why do we have to bother with you who has been only thinking of her ex-husband for these past weeks? It might not even be anything._

"That's what I'm asking you to see if it is just me!" Jocelyn exclaimed, now annoyed and agitated. "I need you to help me!"

_And, like we said, what do you think we will get out of this? _

Jocelyn grit her teeth. They were the only people, or things, or whatever they were, that could help her. This was her last resort. Who else could she possibly go to after them if they refused?

Jocelyn breathed in, trying to calm herself. "I don't know." she admitted, "but I can do something that you-"

"You're afraid of Valentine."

Now the Silent Brothers had moved their heads, looking at the source of the voice. Jocelyn was surprised with this interuption and looked at her daughter confused and shocked. _They're afriad of Valentine? What?_

_Do not be absurd, Clary Morgernstern. _

"Don't call me that! And I'm not being absurd. You guys are just scared of seeing Valentine again after that whole massacre." Clary declared, her hard piercing gaze boring into the few remaining Silent Brothers. Silence ringed in the large room. Seeing that none of the Silent Brothers were denying from her sudden declaration, she went on, "I say that you guys probe in my mom's mind and see and get rid of whatever is making her go insane and we'll keep your secret of your phobia of some dead guy. Deal?"

Jocelyn was surprised of Clary's sense of no shame and bluntness. She was to the point, and Jocelyn loved her for that. She was also shocked to see that her daughter was actually trying to help her after what Jocelyn kept from her and Luke for weeks.

Another silence commenced and after what seemed like a while, their voices pierced their minds.

_Very well._

All of them stood at once, which gave Jocelyn a little scare. She had just noticed that she was shaking.

_We shall probe your mind and see what it is that is making you abnormal._

Jocelyn felt a large blow to her head and they started to probe in her mind, searching and digging for the darkened abyss of her thoughts.


End file.
